Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Monday, 29 August 2011

I nearly killed Quinn this morning... Bad Mom Award needed.

It's been a looong time since I was in such a rage with him. He has been all over the place in the past week or so. He got demerits in his dairy, the PE teacher phoned me because he didn't have his PE clothes (and used Gran's funeral as an excuse) and then a teacher wrote a note in his dairy about him being a handful last week too... so it's not just me noticing it... anyway he had an oral to do. He did mention it last week and sort of started on it, and did about half of it - in English even though it's an Afrikaans oral.

So yesterday morning I ask him when it is for and he says ' oh only the 29th...' I was like; 'Dude that's TOMORROW!'. GAH. 

So I spent the whole morning working with him, writing it, translating it, finding photos, etc etc etc and then practicing it with him.

We went to a movie yesterday afternoon and before we left I asked him to practise his oral for me. Which he did quite well. Yay. I then said, 'Now make sure you don't leave it behind' and got a firm 'Yes mom' in response.

I have now decided 'Yes mom' means 'Fluck you bitch' or 'Whatever, I am totally ignoring you' or something to that effect. Because when I asked him to practise on the way to school this morning, he told me it was at home!!!
:evil: :roll: :!:

I have not spazzed out that much in ages and ages. My throat is actually sore from screaming now. I made him RUN the last 2 blocks home to go fetch it, and while I was stewing I actually threw his school bag out my window and drove around the corner - VERY mature I know. When he came back I told him he could walk to school, but he was just about crying and begged me to let him get in the car. I yelled at him some more and then dropped him off and didn't even say goodbye.

I think I totally over reacted. What a bitch and horrible mom I was. But I get SO FRUSTRATED with stuff like this.
:cry: :cry:
I hope he is going to be ok today. I wish I could give him a hug and say sorry now.

Sunday, 28 August 2011

What an awesome cycle!

I woke up feeling pretty bleh and unenthusiastic to be alive this morning. After wallowing in bed for about 2 hours doing not much of anything besides helping Quinn with his Afrikaans oral, I decided to drag myself out and to actually go DO something.

So I got on my bike and set off, with no real plan or direction in mind... just following my nose as I felt like it. The more I went the better I felt though, until I was smiling and enjoying myself so much! I was even singing along to my music. :)

In the end I went from Rondebosch, down Liesbeek Road past the Riverclub to Lower Main Road and all the way to Town via the Castle. Then up Strand Street and up to High Level Road, right along through Seapoint, Bantry Bay, Clifton & Campsbay, on to Llandudno, down Suikerbossie (new top speed of 65.5km/h down there!) to Houtbay and up to Constantia Neck (OMG I nearly died going up there!) and then down to Constantia and then Wynberg and then bak to Rondebosch. 53kms in all. Av speed of 20km/h. :)

It was awesome and such a beautiful day out there, albeit a bit windy in some places!

So glad I went out.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Granny Betty's Memorial

I am just back from memorial and family and dinner etc etc. It has been a long but good day. The memorial was wonderful and true testament to the amazing woman granny Betty was. A lot of people came and everyone loved and was moved by her. It was a little more emotional than I expected and my dad did a really lovely talk about her and then got very teary by the end, so Griff and I sat and held him afterwards.

The ice was a little broken at the very end when the minister was 'committing the casket' or whatever it is called and she said 'and you are now but dust' which the boys and I heard as 'and you are now butt-dust' which had us sniggering and giggling quietly between our tears. It was kind of funny. Who knew that's what you become when you die..?? :)

The boys were absolute STARS so well behaved and real little gentlemen in their smart school uniforms (I had collected them straight from school, early, on the way to the service). They handed out hymn sheets and also offered all the old ladies tea and sandwiches and cleared up the cups and plates etc etc afterwards all on their own steam. I was very proud. They also spoke beautifully to all the old people who asked them questions. Think I'll give them a small reward for being so conscientious and well mannered and considerate.

Granny Betty truly lived a wonderful life and no one can remember her ever saying a bad word about anyone, ever. What a remarkable and inspirational way to be. Something to strive towards indeed.

I've just been out with my Uncle & Aunt (who are out from England and the reason the funeral was delayed to give them time to get here) and my dad. We had a good time chatting about all and everything. I had no idea that my dad met Michael Jackson! And Nelson Mandela etc etc. He is full of funny and fascinating stories. Oh and my uncle designed the bridge on the M3 that goes nowhere, the one after Ladies Mile and before Tokai... lol.

Monday, 22 August 2011

Women's Day Challenge Results

So the Women's Day Challenge Results and photos are out. The previous time I did it was in 2008, when it was at Bellville stadium, so this was at a new venue, but this is how I did last time and this time...

2008 (when I had a different name)
#151 WEIDEMAN JANE 0:54:35

#106 FRASER JANE 0:52:14

Also this year:
I came 106th out of 1489 finishers = top 7.5%
I came 75th out of 1279 female finishers = top 6%

I came out 98th of 1408 seniors = top 7%
I came out 68th of 1213 female seniors = top 5.5%

I came 4th out of 54 in 35-40 age category = top 7.5%
I came 3rd out of 47 Females in 35-40 age category = top 6.5%

These are the photos:

It has to be said that I am NOT loving my new larger thighs which I have acquired this winter. I need to work at getting rid of them soon. Blech!

We heart Brussels Sprouts!

I microwave Broccoli and/or Brussels Sprouts until just cooked and then add balsamic vinegar/lemon juice/soya sauce salt and pepper.

I sometimes add avo, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, linseeds etc. Maybe a dash of sweet chilli sauce mixed in.

Yesterday I sautéed mushrooms and some salmon to go with it too.

Anyway, both boys really loved it! Including the Brussels Sprouts, which neither had wanted to even try - after the bad wrap they get in books and movies and jokes etc.

They are so yummy when done right! Give them a chance!

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Griffin wrote a poem!

Aw my boy has been so amazing. He is doing a project on animals. He chose Dolphins, so I found and printed a whole bunch of info off the web including pictures, poems and everything he needed. Then 2 days later (thanks to bloody Quinn meddling :roll: ) he changed to Spider Monkeys. I didn't have much time so only got a few bits and pieces and then forgot about it.

I asked him about it today because I had totally forgotten about the project and he has gone to the school library himself to get more info, drew his own pictures and then wrote his OWN poem - because he couldn't find one, and he says he'll get more marks for effort and creativity.

This child is melting my heart right now. My precious boy.

Here is his poem, I think it is pretty good.

Spider Monkeys
Long limbs
Swinging around all day
Carrying their young
Having some fun
Always like to play!



The boys have been doing chess as one of their after school activities for a while now. I haven't had much visibility as to how they have been doing, although I do know that Quinn in particular has an aptitude for it. Griff has also seemed to enjoy it, but up to now hasn't seemed that taken with it, so I thought he was just kind of going along for the ride (literally - as in waiting for his lift home with Quinn and his friend after chess practice) :)

Anyway, last month they came home telling me about a chess tournament, and they asked me to enter them. So I duly registered them and paid up, and woke up bright and early on a Saturday to make the great trek to Bellville to get them there by 8am.

I was not able to stay there with them so left them there for the day. I lifted 5 kids there and another mom brought them all home. It was an ENTIRE day from 8am to 7pm. Honestly I was a bit dubious as to how it was going to go. Would they sustain focus enough to play chess for that long, and would they actually enjoy it!??

Well as it turns out they  LOVED it and were so amped when they came home.

Quinn won 2, lost 2 and drew 3 of his games. He came 29/61 entered in the C division (noting that a few entered and didn't actually play)

Griffin won 2 and lost the rest (I think). Still the fact that he won the first 2 was amazing as he hasn't played much at all, and wasn't expecting to win at all. He came 48/61 entered in the C division (noting that a few entered and didn't actually play)

I was really impressed cos it's a heck of a long day for them, but it seems like they really enjoyed it a lot. I MUST get them a proper chess set. We only have a tiny magnetic board with 2-3 pieces missing...

There is another tournament (at the same place) this Saturday and they have again asked me to enter them, so I have.

This is a photo of Quinn playing at the Paarl Gym exchange last week.
Their school team has 10 players and he is on the team on the 7th board. Griff may get a spot on the team soon too. :)

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Reynaud's Syndrome is a-numbing!

I finally actually know what is 'wrong' with me now. It is called Reynaud's Syndrome or Reynaud's Phenomenon. Since I was about 18 years old my fingers and toes go white/yellow and have NO circulation if I get very cold - always starting with the middle one. I used to think it was just a normal random winter thing to do with circulation and or a pinched nerve from all the clothing layers in winter. But this year I have been really plagued by it. I have researched it now and hey presto it is exacerbated by stress and emotional issues, cold and tension (physical pressure) and I have had a lot of all 4 recently.

Mine gets so bad I lose the strength and grip in my hands and when I cycle it can get so bad that I can not brake or change gears! Then when I get home I can't turn the key in my door! It is rather annoying and sometimes even alarming. I have to immerse my hands and feet in hot water to get the blood flowing again and then the parts that were white go dark purple...

This is not my photo but this is EXACTLY what my hands look like:
Mine is usually the middle 3 fingers and it starts at the tips of the fingers and moves downwards. Shaking my hands around and flicking my fingers doesn't really help at all.

This winter I have been wearing gloves a lot and drive around with my heater on full blast and my fingers IN the air-vents!

As I type now my fingers are pale and numb. GAH!, and it is not even that cold right now.

Anyone else have this?

Monday, 15 August 2011

Griffin - Homeschool/Unschool Candidate?!

Guess what he just said to me..?

'There's only one thing I hate about school... the fact that the bell rings every half an hour! Sometimes I'll be doing a big sum and thinking hard and then it distracts me. It's annoying.'

LOL. I love that about him. He is so responsible and conscientious. When I got home tonight he was at the table working at his homework and doing it perfectly. Most nights when I get home he is done with it and he leaves it out for me to see and sign-off. He tells me he finishes most of his work at school while other kids are chatting, playing or colouring in, because he's rather finish it then and there and rather have extra play time later at home.

Last week he won the grade merit badge and also came home with 40/40 for a Math Assessment. He is becoming so mature. He really can be a little angel sometimes. <3 <3 <3

Oh and he was really struggling with spelling last term, so we were given a list of words (about 200) to drill him on. He was reluctant because he really battled (I actually thought there was something wrong with him becuase he COULD NOT get even simple words like 'few' right even after practicing for days) and he just didn't want to do it, but he relented eventually with lots of coercion and now it's like something has just clicked and now suddenly he is doing really well at spelling, even though I have forgotten to keep practicing that consistently. Anyway he now tells me that in the early mornings when they get to school he takes out his word list and reads through it to make sure he knows it! :shock: Aw man, he makes my heart sore sometimes with things like this. Good sore. :)

He is reading me a bedtime story right now.

(On the other hand Quinn is a whole other kettle of fish. He leaves his stuff at home/school. Has to be reminded 4-10 times. Forgets anyway. Leaves his homework till he is NAGGED about it etc. Says he has none. Get's demerits. Couldn't be arsed etc. I spent the evening Googling his test info because his books are not here and he wanted to talk about everything EXCEPT what I was trying to get him to focus on (I had to keep bringing his attention back, and off what he was trying to explore albeit that it was very interesting. He was not being naughty, but gosh he is SO distractable and goes off at major tangents. Aaai!

Update : I quizzed Q on his Geography the next morning, and he has absorbed a LOT of it, and uses his tangential associations to remember stuff (I do that too actually) so it works well for him, even if it can be frustrating at times if you have limited time. But it does pay into my approach of don't learn ONLY what you need for a test, but for general knowledge, and enrichment.)

Saturday's Epic Bike Ride

I may or may not have got around to mentioning that I finally got myself a bicycle for my birthday. I have been wanting to for years, but wasn't convinced that I liked cycling enough, or that I could afford it. I used to run with the boys while they cycled and would have to push them along half the time. Well over the past while as they have grown up and since they upgraded to larger bikes I can no longer keep up with them and they don't need pushing any more. also I started riding Quinn's bigger bike a bit and really enjoyed it. So I started browsing the second hand market a bit more actively and right around the time of my birthday a good quality hardly used 2-year-old 24-speed Silverback Reno bike became available for R1800 - including a trip computer, helmet and bottle holder. A damn good deal. So I decided it was time and got it for myself for my birthday. I have been riding it, more and more since and am really having fun on it (until and except when it 'bit me' recently of course! I am still bruised from that!)
Anyway, on Saturday morning I decided I needed some time and head-space to myself as well as a bit of exercise. So after sorting the boys out I got on my bicycle and started riding, and just kept going.

I went from Rondebosch down Prince George's Drive to Muizenberg, then on to Kalk Bay. Then onwards to Fish Hoek, then through to Sun Valley. At that point I was far from home and I decided what the hell, I might as well bite the bullet and go all out. So I tackled Ou Kappse Weg! I have seen people cycling along there often when I have driven that route and always thought 'I could never do that!'. But I DID. On a mountain bike nogal. It was a long slog but actually not as bad, steep or long as I had expected it would be. Especially considerig it was not somethign I had prepared for and didn't even have any supplies with me!

I descended the other side of Ou Kaapse Weg in a hectic head-on gail which stopped me from being able to get much above 45km/h (DAMN I was hoping to get a new top speed - currently it is 63.8km/h). I then went along Spaanschemat River road through Tokai back to Constantia where I pretty much collapsed.  Having had no food and hardly anything to drink either for that entire distance (and only had coffee for breakfast) I was finished at that point! I think that what is referred to as 'bonking'. You just literally run out of energy and feel heavy and like you can;t go on. I had to stop to buy something to eat and drink. After a 10 minute rest where I ate a HUGE apple and energy bar and had a drink, I felt much better again and was able to drag myself back onto the bike. I carried on back to Rondebosch through Wynberg & Kenilworth & Claremont.

In the end I did a whopping 65km!

Liberty Cheque Hand-Over

Here are the Photos from the Liberty Cheque Hand-Over on Friday.


Thanks again Liberty, Genea, Jade & Jacques!

Sunday, 14 August 2011

Arigato, Gracias, Merci, THANK-YOU!

“So much has been given to me; I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied.” Helen Keller

I already posted about our story winning the Liberty - Own Your Life Competition, where we won R5000! I am still so full of awe and gratitude about that. It was so unexpected and came at JUST the right time. I was pretty much having a break down in the week I got the news and just wanted to give up. This was the sign I needed that, everything will indeed be alright. I just need to KEEP GOING and focus on the good stuff.

"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation." -Brian Tracy

The boys have decided it is our 'Thailand Holiday Fund' and they have since sold stuff and saved a further R1200 to contribute to this. The hope is that in a bout a year's time (4 years since the first/last time I was able to take them) we'll be able to go again. We'll need at least R25 000 though and that's a for a budget no frills holiday. But they work hard and save really well and really know how to focus on a target and do without to achieve a bigger goal, so I think we may just be able to do it...

"Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life." -Christiane Northrup

Anyway I was called to meet with some of the wonderful Liberty people involved who were down from JHB early on Friday morning. They wanted to meet me and do a hand-over of one of those huge cheques (I'll post photos if I get them), they really were so warm friendly. But that's not all, as I was leaving they handed me a pretty pink gift bag...

When I got to work I had a look inside and OH. EM. GEE. It contained a voucher for a spa right near my house - one I have been eyeing for years but could just not justify the expense of going to - and the voucher is for.... a facial, massage, manicure and pedicure. *FEINT* Wow, wow, WOW!!!!

Thank-you, Thank-you, thank-you.

How very very lucky am I? Wow, Thank-you so much I am so humbled and grateful. Thank-you Tertia and Liberty. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart!

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” Maya Angelou

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Best Compliment Ever

Recently the boys were reading me  snippets from the Guinness Book of World Records they had taken out from the school library. )It was a great way to sneak in a bit of reading practice without them realising it!) :)

Some of the records were just silly. Like the record for the most amount of weight someone can dangle off a sword they have swallowed. I mean WTF? I think these people just think up the arbest thing they can think of in order to be the world record holder at it...

Anyway so I got chatting to the boys about what we could come up with as our world record skills or attributes. We decided Quinn could be world champion burper, and while we were trying to think of Griffin's one - Quinn suggested world' stinkiest farts for him!.

But then Griffin turned to me and said, "And you can be the best Mom&Dad in the world!". Wow. WOW. I think that may be the biggest compliment I have ever received. Ever. Thanks my baby boy. You just made it to best kid in the word. By far! Mwah.

Thursday, 11 August 2011

RIP Granny Betty

I feel quiet numb and immobile.
I have done almost nothing since I heard the news. I am all indecisive and confused almost.

I was on my way to yoga at the time I go the call and I didn't go and have done virtually nothing else either.

What am I meant to be DOING!?

She was so ill and has been so so much better. I had a lovely chat to her on the phone 2 weeks ago, and was thinking THIS afternoon ow it's been too long again since I saw her and I must go visit, tomorrow, and then 30 mins later I got the call saying she had passed.

I know she didn't want to suffer and linger so this is probably what she would have wanted... but I feel so sad. This year is proving to be really really tough. Why am I struggling so much with everything?

I need to coordinate stuff now and deal with family who will want to come down again and and and. But right now I don't have the energy to even think about any of that. I am not even sure what to do about work in the morning...

Quinn seems ok, he was loving and wanted to cuddle and touch me. But Griffin seems more upset and was acting grumpy and bratty and difficult, so I think he is going to need more support and attention to deal with it. He is much more sensitive and emotional out of the 2...


She would have been 92 next month. A long and well lived life. Always happy and content. A true inspiration.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Women's Day Challenge - my turning point.

I may just be seeing light at the end of my gloomy tunnel. I have had 2-3 months of really not having fun and just being stressed and haggard. And feeling fat and unfit. But I dragged myself to the Women's Day 10km Challenge today and it was SO GOOD TO GET OUT AND RUN IN THE SUN!

I saw some friendly faces, who asked why I have been scarce, and actually seemed to care, and best of all I finished the race in a not too shabby 52:15. YAY! So I am not that unfit after all. *glee*

I am inspired to get back on track, fit, happy and in control again. My job can simply not consume my life any more. It makes me so unhappy. I really NEED to exercise it is not a luxury it is a necessity.

Monday, 8 August 2011

My Bike Bit Me!

On Friday night I took my bicycle out for a short while when G was at cubs. It was dusk and I had no real plan or destination was just cruising around Newlands and the Liesbeek river etc. I ended up near Kirstenbosch and went off road into a field and long story short misjudged a drop-off-drain combination and instead of rolling out the other end came down hard and fell of the seat and whacked full force into the cross bar and then fell over.

It was so sore I nearly cried! (I didn't even cry when I broke my ankle) Faark it felt like I broke my pubic bone and half expected that I was bleeding it was THAT hard and sore. Anyway I have been joking about it since and thought it had healed up fine... but I just bathed and noticed a nice bruise on my leg and then while drying myself off I lifted my leg further and OMG on second look with a mirror it looks like a horror movie down there. I have a big swollen dark purple-black contusion! It is really quite horrific looking. Yikes.

It's a good thing I am closed for business these days. It would scare anyone away! :twisted: :shock: I hope it heals up soon though. I don't wanna be known as the Cookie Monster henceforth! :twisted: :lol:

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Quinn on his future kids...

On the way home last night we were discussing a friend who is struggling as breadwinner with 4 kids and a wife who is not happy about how much he works. (Poor guy!)

So Quinn says, 'I am going to have 2 children. 2 boys. I'd like a boy so I can do stuff with him and teach him things.... I don't want a girl. Girls are annoying. You can buy them every single princess thing there is and they'll still sulk and be cross with you.'

Lol. I have to concur. He is tuned in this one. ;)

Not too old for 'fun dinners' yet.

I haven't done this for the boys for AGES, but the other night I surprised them with one of my old 'fun dinners' again. And they still loved it and got a kick out of it.... :lol: :lol:

Fun Dinner July 2011-sm.jpg
Not pictured: Q wanted more veg and some tomato sauce, so he ended up with 'blood and guts' spilling out of his guy's abdomen, and mouth changed to down-turned . ;) :twisted: