Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Catch-up Post - Gallivanting in West Beach Florida Jan 2014

So while we were stuck in Florida, not having a dream US holiday at all because of the storms up North, A's BIL Jon (who lives in Boston) decided I needed some fun, adventure and excitement and so he abducted me for the afternoon. Literally, he carried me out the house over his shoulder.

He insisted on taking me on a personal sightseeing tour of West Palm Beach, complete with visiting the obscenely opulent yachts in the marina and having a slice of 'New York Style' pizza.

But our first stop was to his favourite Cuban hangout (where he is enamoured with the chicitas that run the place) to get us strong Cuban coffee and cigars. I was allowed to not smoke my half of cigar, but I did have to hold it and puff on it, for effect. ;)

So here's me being all bad-ass with my cigar. :twisted: 8) :lol:
J not smoking or drinking coffee-md.jpg

15-week check-up

I had my first proper appointment with my midwife today. It's the third time I have seen her now. First at the interview, then at the home-birth gathering on Sunday, and this was my first actual pre-natal check-up with her. 

I love her, and I am happy that she is my chosen midwife now. It feels very right.

Again just to contrast (not criticize, just contrast. Each person needs to go with the model of care they want, and like the most, and feel most 'safe' in) the difference between a midwife visit and a doctor's visit ...

A typical Doctor's visit. You sit in the waiting room and wait wait wait for ages. Usually between 20-40 minutes past your appointment time. They usher you in. You have a brief fairly formal discussion about how you are, any issues, concerns, questions. Then you get Blood pressure, heart rate and urine tested, maybe a quick ultrasound check too. You might be weighed. All ok? Yay, ok off you go, make another appointment with secretary, pay (R800-1200). You're with doc for 10-30 mins max usually.

A typical Midwife visit. As you arrive they come out and greet you with a hug. Chat about whatever it was you said or felt last time they saw you. They ask how you are feeling. Not just physically but emotionally too. They probe a bit, and you find yourself talking about all sorts of things you hadn't expected to. Revealing and rather relevant stuff it turns out*. You talk about the road ahead and how you imagine it playing out and how they usually operate and any recent stories they have from appointments and birth, these might spark other discussion points or questions. Eventually you start the actual 'formal' check-up. BP, heart rate, weight, urine testing is done. Then fundal height is measured and fundus palpitated to 'feel' what's happening. Baby's heart rate checked with doppler. Your tummy is gently and lovingly massaged with lavender oil. It smells and feels great and you are deeply relaxed. More chatting, the paperwork is done. Next appointment scheduled. You are given a big long hug and sent on your way feeling happy, light and glowy. You check your watch and you have been in there for 1.5 hours. The charge R450 (following appointments will be R250).

This is what I want, this is what I love. I am healthy and going through a natural process. I don't want to be treated like a medical patient, I want to be nurtured and supported through it.

I love this approach. It is ME.

<3 <3 <3

* One of the things that came up today is how much (most) of my life is VERY mental, rational, left-brain, controlled, organised, structured and pretty 'male', and yet I have this very internalised but STRONG feminine side that is free-spirited natural, primal, earthy and non-thinking. And it just basks in pregnancy and birth and is probably why I am so compelled and drawn to it, because it gives me license to express and embrace my feminine side unashamedly. It was a bit of an ah-ha moment for me actually.

Sunday, 23 February 2014

And it's out there...

Once something's on Facebook it's official right..?

So I told my boss, the rest of the management team, my team (awesome) and the support staff at work during last week...

On Friday I went to a casting, for a 'pregnant soccer-mom' for a Swiss Bank TV commercial.

Today I went to an amazing home birth gathering. It's getting real now. I AM PREGNANT and it is starting to show, I can't hide it anymore. This is from Thursday evening.

So now it is on Facebook too. This is how I revealed it today.

And there you have it, the first trimester is well over, I feel a LOT better and now it's known to quite a few people.

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

So I told my boss my news today


I was so so nervous. She is the head of our company and I respect and admire her hugely. I had a mental block about telling her as I was worried she'd be horrified/disappointed/upset with me or whatever. But we had a very open chat and I told her the circumstances etc and she was so nice about it.

She actually said 'I really think you are a remarkable woman'. 

So while as a contractor there are no guarantees, and I told her I understand if there are consequences because of my choices.

So while we'll have to see what happens with me and the company between now and when I have to go off, she said she'd hate to have to replace me in my role and if we can make a plan so that I have 4-5 weeks OFF and then just ease back in a few hours a week she can see that it could work... so hopefully all will be good there.

Whew! So now I need to tell everyone else cos people are definitely starting to look at me a bit skeef now. She actually said for the first time this week she has thought 'there's something different' about me, but she wasn't sure what and her mind did not even consider pregnancy as a possibly at all. LOL!

Friday, 14 February 2014

13 week Update - Fetal Anatomy Scan

I was a little nervous of this scan, because my risk stats didn't seem very good. And while I declined all genetic screening for my children it was very important to the parent of this baby that there are no issues...

My bloods apparently came back looking good and lowered all my age-risks by a huge amount. So my downs risk went from like 1:87 to 1:685.

Then the scan was PERFECT. It was very very detailed and loads of things were checked and it was all 100% fine. No issues or even uncertainties. Everything measured spot on, as it should, and exactly on date.

My final down's risk is 1:1680 or something and apparently based on all the numbers and calcs my risk rating is the same as that for a normal 15 year old! So her conclusion is that I am fit and healthy and have no issues at all.  :)

The only slight thing, was that a girl was hoped for, and it is indeed a BOY. I asked if there was any disappointment and I was told no. And I don't think there is. I think we'd got a bit worked up over stats and risks that frankly the relief at all being FINE and normal is the overriding thing and gender was/is less relevant really.

So really all looking good and it's a huge sigh of relief for me. I was more nervous than I have ever been for scan going in. 

So the pregnancy continues and I'll need to start letting more people know. I think it's already quite obvious actually!

Monday, 10 February 2014

CRAVING: How to satisfy one...

Last week I was so craving a McDonald's burger....

That sweet bun, the tomato sauce with diced onions, the pickles and the melted cheese....
pig1 pig1 

I hardly ever eat McDs (or any takeaways or burgers) I even drove to one on the way home but the drive-through was closed, so I decided it was a 'sign' that I shouldn't get one...

I swear I could even SMELL it...
The next day I just had to go back to hunt one down.

I am now McDonald's'ed out because...

I went there, but the drive through 1st window was closed. So I went to window 2, who told me no I must order at No1. So I say 'no that one's closed'. She tells me tough I have to go there. So I reverse back. Find flippen window unmanned and closed. Argh. So I hooted. Admittedly a  bit longer than was really necessary. A lady opens up, a bit grumpy at me. I told her sorry I was a bit frustrated cos yesterday they were completely closed, now today the window's closed..?

ANYWAY, I finally get to order 5x Junior Cheeseburgers. I like those little guys, and thought G & I could have 1.5 each and Q could have 2.

So I get my order and drive off. Being pregnant and this being a CRAVING and all... after a few blocks I decided I have to have one, now. So reach into the bag and it's 2 flippen McDouble burgers! Grrrr!

So I have to turn around and mission back in peak hour traffic. I get back and say, as politely as I could, that I ordered 5x Junior Cheese Burgers NOT 2x Mc Doubles and hand them the bag and slip back. 

They asked me to pull out the drive through and they'd come to the front. So I did, and waited. Finally the manager lady comes out and gives me my order, and then hands me the other bags says here take the McDoubles too, I can't sell them again, so you can have them, sorry about the inconvenience etc.

So off I go home. Open it all up to find 5x Junior Cheese burgers and 3x McDoubles. So we ate McD's for 2 full days! Craving sorted!

Friday, 7 February 2014

Running to stand still...

So I had very high hopes and intentions of running through this pregnancy. I had a fantasy that instead of being  a pregnant whale I'd be in shape and have a cute bump - not the gargantuan lumbering mounds I had with my 2 boys... that was the theory anyway.

It lasted all the way to week 7. Up to that point I was running every day and was pretty fit and in shape. And then the nausea hit. And boy did it hit hard. And it brought it's brother nausea and it's other brother nausea and it's cousin extreme fatigue with it!!!

OMG. I went from fit, healthy and running everyday to wanting to die, sick & tired. Just getting through the day was a mission and accomplishment. Actually doing anything more than I HAD to (which was basically get the kids to school and get myself to work and back) was near on impossible. Even shopping and cooking were pretty much abandoned. I felt barely alive, a lot of the time I just wanted to die.

I just felt horrid. ALL THE TIME. I wanted to throw up all the time, and a lot of the time I did. The rest of the time I just wanted to sleep. When that's happening, 'going for a run' is the last thing on your priority list.

Then I found heat made me feel more sick - it's mid-summer here. Being outside is hot, being active outside is REALLY hot. It just didn't work. At all.

The other thing I found (as per my previous 3 pregnancies) is that the only thing that helps the nausea is eating. As in the actual act of eating. When I stop I feel even worse. So I kinda just started grazing. All. The Time.

Great combination of effects. So to summarise. Lots of eating, no exercise and lots of lying around sleeping. Go me.

I have yet to weigh myself, but there's no doubt I have gained weight. In fact I am struggling to hide it at work now. I am pretty sure people are wondering why I am suddenly eating so much and gaining weight like I am. LOL.  :oops: 

Anyway I am now 12 weeks along, and while I am by no means out of the woods, and still feel grim, and vomit almost every morning. I am feeling MUCH better for the most part.

I have even managed to drag my fat lazy butt out for a few decent walks in the past 2 weeks. (And was stiff afterwards - LOL - can you believe it!?)

Tonight, off I went at 19:15 - it's cooler after 19:00 - and the planets somehow all aligned so that:
- I felt ok
- It was cool
- There was NO WIND (VERY rare) and then 
- Some great music started playing on my iPOD and 
- It started raining. 
I decided to try a little trot, lest I get stuck far away from home in a down pour. And would you believe it, I was soon trotting away in a little rhythm. Granted it was not fast, but still. I was RUNNING! WooHoo!

It may sound silly, but after not being able to run AT ALL for about 4 weeks, and assuming that that was it till after this pregnancy, you have no idea how good it feels to find I can still plod along gently. In the end I did about 6.5kms of which probably 3.5 was running. Still it is something.

Oh happy day. Maybe this means I don't have to turn into a complete whale after all. One can only hope hey? ;)

Now excuse me while I go find something to graze on...

Monday, 3 February 2014

The Bloomberg Dinner

Was a veritable who's who of Cape Town!

So Saturday night rolled around, and I decided the occasion warranted spending more than 10 mins getting ready. So I coloured my hair, painted my nails and got myself 'dolled-up' and ready.

A asked me to fetch him (his car is being serviced) at 18:50 ... dinner was scheduled for 19:00! He likes to be late. Always. I said no ways, why rush and be late? But I could settle on 18:45, without having a seizure. So it was agreed. So off I went - actually a bit late - only to find him still chugging up the hill on his bike at 18:40! Men!!

So he had to dash into his house and do a speedy shower and change, while I waited, and we left at about 18:55... On the way there as I was driving I asked him, just to vent my ever so slight annoyance that we were indeed late. 'So just what caliber of person WOULD you consider to be important enough to actually be on time for..?'

He thought for a second and then said, 'You'

HAHA, full marks.

He went on to say, 'Cos you're the only person I'd really get in trouble with for being late'. Smart guy after-all...

Anyway so we arrived at the Mount Nelson a fashionable 10 minutes late, and walked up to the Garden room where we were met by the lady with guest list. Having established that we were on the list and meant to be there she waved us through. Where upon Andrew said to her 'let me see the guest list' since we had no idea who would be there and if there were to be 20 or 200 guests. I start scanning down the list reading names I recognise:
and and and

So I turned to A and said, 'Oh we know lots of these people!' and then turned to the guest list gate-keeper and said, 'They just don't know us...'

As we walked in Mike Bloomberg was there already and greeted us warmly and I had a long chat to his partner Diana Taylor. Who is simply lovely inside and out.

We were at pre-designated mixed up seating and I was placed between a UCT Economics professor Corne Van Walbeekand one of the Bloomberg's London staff Luca Machi, Head of External Relations and opposite Emiliano Sante, Bloomberg Head of Product Development/Sales for EMEA, and Clinton Ephron (no relation to Zach he says!) all 4 of whom provided fun, entertaining and interesting conversation.

We discussed business, politics, travel, bosses, food and sport.

The sportsmen were rather quiet and un-participatory, but provided good eye candy anyway. Especially Ryk Neetling. My word that is one good looking and well built man! Johann Rupert is certainly bold and outspoken and threw in a couple of real clanger-comments during the evening, which came out sounding way worse (and discriminatory) that they were ever intended. I had to translate his intent to 3-4 people as he did have a good point, it was just SO badly and crudely put that no one actually seemed to catch it.

I must say it was one of the most enjoyable evening I have had recently. It was relaxed, warm, friendly and rather fun. I had thought it might be awfully staid,formal and awkward but it was anything but. I got to mingle and chat with Mike Bloomberg afterwards and even bantered with him a bit when comparing notes about how jet-lagged I was after my epic and arduous journey back from the states in January after being trapped in Florida thanks to the polar vortex. Where we ended up having to drive across Florida, flew to Nashville, then to New Jersey, then drove to JFK, and then had a 16-hour long flight of continuous turbulence to Johannesburg, and then finally flew to Cape Town, where I pretty much collapsed once I got home. His response was a jesting and good natured, 'Oh don't you have a private jet..?' To which I chirped, 'No, I am still working on that!'

I am very privileged and grateful to have had the opportunity to go along and be part of such a high-profile dinner, what a marvellous opportunity that was!